Hello my anemic friends. I'm 16 and life to me is a bitch and then you die. SO I try to make every minute of it worth something, no matter what I have to do to get it that way.
I am a cold hearted, depressed, poor deprived child to say everything about me in short so there you go.

   


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Aug 11, 2004
Dangeling on a String

Licking the ash-tray surface
of your existence
makes my tongue dry.
Watching the laughter
of happy people
makes my tears cry.
Listening to a gentle breeze
in the darkness
makes my ears bleed.
Touching your dead body
right now
makes me fulfill all my needs.


Posted at 05:34 pm by love2hate
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Serial #4702

Ever stay awake at night
Listening rearranging things
So they will be right?
Ever hover over your parents
with a butchers knife
And wonder when you will
Take their life?
Ever watch bloodshed and want
To swim in the blood?
Ever feel that everyone
should die and
if you could help it would?
Ever smell the tears
of someone nearby
And smother yourself
up against there cheek?
Ever hear a heartbeat
And have the sudden urge
To make it cease?
Ever have these symptoms
feeling like this is
your only thriller?
That is because my friend
you are my serial killer.

Posted at 05:32 pm by love2hate
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Everyday

10:00 a.m.
She wakes up early
She does tae*bo
She wants to stay in shape.

11:30 a.m.
She takes a shower
She combs her hair
She begins to look forward to today.

12:00 p.m.
She dresses up
She puts on her make-up
She looks her very best.

1:00 p.m.
She watches the phone
She listens close
She sometimes checks to see if it works.

4:00 p.m.
She cleans the house
She watches tv
She tries to learn a song on guitar, successfully.

6:00 p.m.
She waits by the telephone
She doodles in a book
She tries to convince herself to try and cook.

7:00 p.m.
She makes dessert
She eats a plate
She's feeling awfully full.

8:30 p.m.
She answers the phone
She sighs heavily
She says "No he's not home."

8:32 p.m.
She sits and waits
She hopes and she can dream
She waits beside the phone and begins to heave.

9:47 p.m.
She sits there stunned
She feels her eyes water
She thought that she was fun.

9:58 p.m.
She goes to the bathroom
She washes off her make-up
She takes off clothes and switches into pajamas

10:15 p.m.
She stares at the ceiling
She listens to her music
She hasn't started crying just yet.

10:30 p.m.
She drinks a beer
She smokes a cigarette
She thinks about her friends and how much she regrets it.

11:00 p.m.
She is drunk
She dances to the music
She lays down in bed knowing that tomorrow will be the same.

Posted at 05:32 pm by love2hate
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Dramamine Dreams

The topsy turvy world collides
And the eyes roll back into the head
As light flashes and eyelids flutter
body loses gravity and momentum
Spinning and waving and heaving
Touching the needle fed skin
Tingling like a dead leg
The crawling of spiders on your body
Thats not really there
Breath is shallow and short
Cause when you think of breathing
Breathing is what you distort
Confused memory or ability to be
Unable to remember that this is reality
Bubbling bubbles on your tongue
Swishing it through your teeth
Laying back slowly, falling into a deep sleep.......


Posted at 05:31 pm by love2hate
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Jun 19, 2004
Monday

I'm not sure How I am still alive
Sometimes i sit in the living room with the butchers knife
I'll wait until my parents leave
Find my daddy's gun put it to my mouth and heave

Never pulled the trigger, though once it was empty
I wish it was a bullet putting a dent in me
They tell me to do stuff, and i do it eventually
I use it as an excuse to escape from reality

I sleep and I eat, cause I get confused
They tell me that i sleep too much and to get out of my room
So I'll stay up and eat and go on the computer
They yell and scream at me cause im not the supreme ruler

So I'll get out and hang out with my friends
I guess I could get lost with them
Come home late and I'm back in the circle
Back in hte kitchen, back inthe inferno.

Posted at 01:15 am by love2hate
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Apr 18, 2004
Darkness

One foot in the crevasse
One firmly planted on the ground
Screaming shouting
A terrifying sound

Glasses dropped
Stepped on and crunched
Walked over barefoot
Bloody footprints on the walk

Circus of animals
Deadly and poisonous
Guns are fired
No target missed

Bravery seldom
Misery stands upright
And it seems
The darkness has started tonight.

Posted at 11:54 am by love2hate
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Destiny

Too tired to sleep
Too far from home
Too awake to stay alive
Reversed interpretations of life
Standing on the chair
Sitting in mid-air
Floating in the toxic waste
Smelling all the textures
Drinking every thought
Eating the smells
Too heavenly to realize
That I am in hell.

Posted at 11:54 am by love2hate
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Grotesque

Does it make you feel better
The way that you say I'm dead
So you can control the thoughts in my head?
The probing, the sheer satisfaction
Of the stained blood
On my sheets, on the hood
Slice and dice
And rip me apart
Come on over
And rip into my heart
Penetrate the flesh
Lick the wounds
Does the blood comfort you?
You like your hands in my chest
Feeling making creating
Dead corspe
dead life
Dead reasons,
But, dead why?

Posted at 11:53 am by love2hate
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Want To Take It Back

Never asked questions
Never offered anything
Opinions never asked
Never was apart of the social class

People stare
I'm black and blue
Mostly from the beatings
The ones from you

Things must change
Something ain't right
But don't worry cause
It will end tonight

You were sleeping
I made my move
I reached for the gun
And watched it go *boom*

I'm licking my lips
And I start to pray
That you'll come back one day.

I liked the abuse
The feeling as if I was owned
The comfort your hands
Crushing my bones

The suffocating
The unprotected sex
But its the way you hit me
That I think I liked best.

Posted at 11:53 am by love2hate
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Sided Away

Disecrated feelings
And circumsized thoughts
Unseen sounds
And unheard sights
Are they really there?
Would it be better
If there were no emotions?
All except for the waves of the ocean
Blank faces like blank pages in a book
And knowing that a pen is all it took...........

Posted at 11:52 am by love2hate
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